Wasps in Spain: Nature’s tiny airborne psychopaths

This wasps in Spain article contains a little sweariness. It’s not for the kiddiewinks’ eyes – but then neither are wasps! 

If you’ve been in Spain for more than 15 minutes at this time of year, you’ll already know the routine. Somewhere around July/August, they appear to hold a nationwide conference before collectively deciding to make themselves everybody else’s problem.

Unlike mosquitoes, which at least have the decency to attack under cover of darkness, wasps are bold. They make eye contact. They hover. They judge.

Frankly, they’re little yellow-and-black flying b******s.

Welcome to wasp season

Spring in Spain is glorious. Wildflowers are everywhere, insects have plenty to eat, and wasps mostly keep themselves to themselves. By late summer, however, the countryside has dried out, flowers have faded and natural food becomes harder to find.

That’s when your lunch suddenly becomes their lunch. Your beer becomes their beer. Your face becomes… well… an obstacle.

The swimming pool invasion

If local Facebook groups are anything to go by, swimming pools seem to have become Ground Zero for wasp complaints this year.

So many posts begin with, “Has anyone else noticed loads more wasps around their pool this year?”

Followed by thirty-seven comments ranging from genuinely useful advice to someone confidently suggesting hanging up old CDs, rubbing garlic on the sunbeds and playing The Ride of The Valkyries backwards.

For once, Facebook isn’t entirely wrong. Swimming pools are surprisingly attractive to wasps. During Spain’s long, dry summers, fresh water isn’t always easy to find, so pools become one giant watering hole.

Add sun cream, sugary drinks, ice creams, watermelon, children dripping with fruit juice and adults balancing sangria on inflatable flamingos, and you’ve basically opened an all-inclusive resort for thirsty insects.

Sometimes they’re not after you at all. They’re just after a drink. Unfortunately, they’re terrible at communicating that. They can smell fear

Scientists will tell you wasps are attracted to sugar, protein and sweet smells. I’m unconvinced.

They’re attracted to whichever person announces:

“I absolutely hate wasps.”

Congratulations. You have now been selected as Tribute.

Meanwhile, everyone else carries on chatting while you perform what can only be described as an interpretive dance involving a flip-flop, a copy of “Home and Garden” and increasingly frantic arm movements.

If you’ve ever watched somebody calmly say, “Just ignore it and it’ll go away”, you’ll notice they’re never the person the wasp has chosen.

Meet the usual suspects

Not all wasps in Spain behave the same way.

In fact, the chances are you’ve been blaming the wrong one all along.

European paper wasp (Polistes dominula)

These are the skinny-looking wasps with the long legs dangling underneath them as they fly, as though they’ve forgotten to retract the landing gear. They’re incredibly common across Spain and, despite looking slightly sinister, they’re generally far less aggressive than most British wasps.

We regularly find them drifting into our internal courtyard (not a euphemism), taking a long drink from the saucers under the plant pots, having a quick wander around as if admiring the flowers, then quietly flying off again.

The whole interaction brings to mind, “Don’t mind me… I’m just coming down for a drink from your plant pots. As you were.”

Compared with the average British wasp (the Pub Beer Garden variety), they’re practically asking permission.

German wasp (Vespula germanica)

Ah yes. The aforementioned pub garden veteran.

If the paper wasp is your politely thirsty neighbour, the German wasp is middle management.

These are much closer to the wasps most of us remember from the UK.

• Efficient.
• Persistent.
• Methodical.

If there’s an unattended sausage within fifty metres, they’ve already drawn up a strategic acquisition plan.

• One scouts.
• One distracts you.
• One lands in your beer.
• Another appears to be supervising.

Somewhere inside every German wasp is a clipboard, a timetable and a tiny Audi engineer whispering: “Vorsprung durch Picknick.”

European hornet

If you’ve never seen one before, your first reaction will probably be, “WTAF is that?!”

They’re enormous. They sound like a small helicopter. They cast shadows.

Oddly enough, they’re usually much calmer than ordinary wasps and have very little interest in people unless seriously disturbed. It’s a good reminder that size isn’t everything.

Asian hornet

The Asian hornet gets a lot of headlines, but don’t panic. They’re mainly found in northern Spain and are a serious threat to honey bees rather than people. Well, we hate them if they hurt our bees eh?!

If you think you’ve found one, it’s worth avoiding, but they’re not roaming the entire country looking for tourists.

Are Spanish wasps actually friendlier?

This is one of those rare occasions where the internet might actually be onto something. Lots of us swear Spanish wasps seem noticeably less aggressive than the ones they left behind in Britain.

There are a few possible reasons. Spain has a greater variety of wasp species, many of which are naturally less confrontational. For much of the summer, there’s also far more natural food available than there is in northern Europe, so they’re less desperate to steal your picnic.

The real aggression tends to appear towards the end of the season, when colonies begin breaking down and workers become increasingly frantic in their search for sugary food.

So no… You’re probably not imagining it. Spain’s wasps generally do have slightly better manners. They’re still b*****ds. Just slightly more Mediterranean b*****ds. Chill baby chill. 

The drink dilemma

How many of us have learned the same lesson?! I’ll wager that it’s a lot. 

Never… ever… take a swig from an unattended drinks can or bottle. Wasps absolutely love climbing inside beer bottles, Coke cans and glasses of fizzy drinks.

Unfortunately, they don’t announce themselves first. The experience of discovering a live wasp with your lips is one you’ll only have once. Hopefully. If it gets you once, you’ll learn. If it gets you twice, you can be forgiven. If it gets you more than that – you’re an idiot. 

The barbecue inspectors

Barbecues are essentially an all-you-can-eat buffet for wasps. The moment someone unwraps the burgers, they appear from nowhere.

• One inspects the sausages.
• One lands on the tongs.
• One circles the table.
• Another hovers six inches from your forehead like a surveillance drone.

None of them contribute anything useful, yet they all behave as though they’re conducting an official inspection.

Finding the nest

If you’re suddenly seeing dozens of wasps around the same area every day, there’s a good chance you’ve got a nest nearby.

The trick isn’t charging around waving a broom and a copy of “Brit Abroad Weekly”. It’s watching. Stand back for ten minutes and follow their flight paths.

Wasps usually fly surprisingly directly between food and the nest. If several keep disappearing into the same hedge, roof space, wall cavity or hole in the ground, you’ve probably found it. Common nesting places include:

• Roof eaves
• Loft spaces
• Wall cavities
• Air vents
• Garden sheds
• Dense hedges
• Compost heaps
• Underground rodent holes
• Barbecue covers
• Roller shutter boxes

Sometimes you’ll never actually see the nest itself. You’ll simply notice a steady stream of wasps entering a gap no wider than a €1 coin.

So… what should you do?

If the nest is well away from people and isn’t causing any problems, the best solution is often nothing. A wasp colony only lasts for one season. By autumn the workers die naturally, and only newly-mated queens survive the winter elsewhere.

If the nest is close to your home, swimming pool, terrace or children’s play area, it’s usually worth calling a professional pest controller.

What you shouldn’t do is attack it with a hosepipe, broom, tennis racket or misplaced confidence inspired by YouTube. People try. Emergency departments stay busy. 

Can you stop them nesting? Not entirely. Queens looking for somewhere to build aren’t exactly browsing Idealista. You can, however, make your home much less attractive.

• Seal gaps around roof tiles and soffits.
• Repair damaged vents.
• Check sheds regularly in spring.
• Fit insect mesh where practical.
• Keep bins tightly closed.
• Clean sugary spills quickly.
• Don’t leave pet food outside all day.
• Many people also swear by fake hanging wasp nests.
• Others swear at fake hanging wasp nests because they don’t seem to make the slightest difference.

The scientific evidence is mixed, so treat them as an experiment rather than a miracle cure.

Things that actually work

If you’d rather stack the odds in your favour, these are worth considering:

• Refillable wasp traps placed well away from seating areas.
• Wasp attractant refills.
• Mesh food covers for outdoor dining.
• Citronella candles (helpful, but not magical).
• A shallow bowl of water with pebbles positioned well away from the pool or dining table, giving thirsty wasps somewhere else to drink.
• An electric fly swat. Childishly satisfying (just ask Alan), although perhaps not the most dignified way to spend a summer evening.

Dogs and spicy sky raisins

Dog owners have another problem. Many dogs think flies are delicious little airborne snacks.

The internet affectionately calls flies “sky raisins”. Wasps, however, are… “spicy sky raisins”.

A dog snapping at a wasp can end up being stung inside the mouth, on the tongue or around the lips. Most recover quickly, but swelling inside the mouth can occasionally become serious, so if your dog suddenly develops facial swelling, excessive drooling or has difficulty breathing after trying to eat one, contact your vet immediately.

Perhaps gently remind them that not everything which flies is a snack. Not that they’ll listen, a dog’s gonna dog.