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 Elle Draper

Moving to Spain: Part 3 – The recce trip…

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It’s been a while since our last ironic look at moving to Spain. You may wish to read Part 1 and Part 2 if this is your first look at the site, or for a reminder of the earlier articles.

moving to spain

The recce trip

Okay – so things are moving on now, and you’re heading over to have a look at property and businesses. This time is vitally important. It gives you some much needed information that will enable you to make the right decisions for your future business.

Make sure you tell everyone your innermost secrets, both on the journey there… and when you arrive. Tell them all about how much money you have, and don’t be afraid to tell everyone your deepest darkest secrets. Because they are Brits too, they are automatically 100% trustworthy and always have your best interests at heart – simply because they live in a different country. We Brits should all stick together eh!

This brings us onto your potential competition. Perhaps you are thinking of starting up a villa maintenance business. Just go ahead and ask your potential competitors about their pricing. It’s okay to pretend to be a new client of theirs – they won’t be bright enough to see through your clever ruse. After all, the fact that they are running a successful outfit and have been doing so for aeons doesn’t mean they know their industry any better than you (even though you’ve only ever put a couple of shelves up and cleaned a loo).

Oh yes – and nobody cares if you don’t have any formal qualifications in building (insert relevant trade here)… as nobody really has that here anyway. People are happy for you to build an extension on their luxury villa if all you’ve done before is pop up a shelf or two, and paint a few walls. Easy innit?!

It doesn’t matter that you are only in the place for a week – that is more than enough time for you to fully research all aspects of a new life. Of course, this is all very tiring… so if you only dedicate one or two days to it, and spend the rest of your time by the hotel pool – that’s great! It will be exactly the same as if you were living there anyway!

moving to spainArriving at your new home in Spain

Congratulations! You have made it! Now is the time for you to settle into your new home and start your new business. If you have bought a bar, go ahead and run up massive credit lines with suppliers (hey – you’ll be able to pay it all off once the money starts rolling in)… and undercut all the other bars around you – they won’t mind… we’re all Brits together and are happy to let you take food off our table by your half-hearted attempts at a new “game”.

Feel free to shout your mouth off to anyone who will listen about how bloody fantastic you are, and how you will be a millionaire within five years.

Don’t bother advertising your business anywhere remotely useful – once people have been to your new gaff once, they’ll do all your publicity for you and will be telling everyone what a top person you are. Just whip up a Facebook profile using the name of your business (yeah, it’s against Facebook policy to do that rather than set up a “Page” but you know best) and start spamming every group you can find. You know all there is to know about online marketing of course because you read that ebook last week about how to go from “Zero to Hero: With No Effort At All”.

Before we get another barrage of complaints from Daily Mail readers with no sense of humour – let us just point out that this is a humorous article and is not meant to be taken seriously.

Next time we look at: If it all goes wrong.

About your questions…

Sorry – but we do not offer relocation advice on an individual basis through Spain Buddy. There are a number of relocation experts who are better placed to advise you on your new life in sunny Spain.
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9 Responses to Moving to Spain: Part 3 – The recce trip…

  1. Alf S June 3, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Oi Elle, I’m a Daily Wail reader ( only online though, I’m not daft enough to pay €2.20 for it out here ) and I’ve got a sense of humour, I must have to be reading it the first place. I think it’s my sense of humour that’s got me permanently banned from ever posting, usually very ascerbic comments on their, usually very badly written and inaccurate articles. It seems some of their scribblers take exception to being called illiterate, thick, lazy copy & pasters with an average IQ of a one legged amoeba.
    Nice article. Since we moved to Lanzarote we’ve met a more than a few people that this could have been written about. I think you’ll know the type, ” run a bar, easy, how hard can it be, I’ve drunk in loads of ’em “, or, ” I’ve changed a wheel and fitted a new screen wiper thingy, I’ll set up as a mobile mechanic, after all, no one else will have thought of that. ”

    PS. By the way, where can I get a copy of that e book ” Zero to Hero: With No Effort At All “?

  2. Elle Draper
    Elle Draper June 3, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Ha ha, I knew you’d enjoy it Alf. I stopped reading the DM some time ago – but every now and again a link somewhere will catch me out.
    So… if you liked that… you’ll like this (plus it answers your PS question – kind of): http://www.dream-prizes.com/ (blame Alan)
    Elle x

  3. john b June 4, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Daily Mail is not a bad read,cheap using Kindle,even cheaper buying from US site $9.99 a month instead of £9.99,same with books too , $ instead of £

  4. José June 4, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    Thanks God that its a humorous article my blood was burning to hearing how easy is to be a builder here , i had very bad experiences with english builders like this from your article and I couldnt imagine how this british woman can advise to do this , my neighbour a good man had to be done three times his terrace for this kind of persons as you perfectly describe in your article . So british people be carreful who is going to work for you please.
    By the way the spanish builders are the best , unemployeds but the best jeje

  5. Elle Draper
    Elle Draper June 4, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    Oh yes – it is meant to be humourous. It is a common joke among British people that the British builders are awful ;)
    Thank you for leaving a comment Jose – it is great to see more and more Spanish people liking our website. E x

  6. Elle Draper
    Elle Draper June 4, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    I buy all my Kindle books in $ using .com – they won’t let me use .co.uk anyway, living in Spain. But no – we shall have to agree to disagree on the DM.
    Thanks for popping in and leaving a comment x

  7. Alf S June 5, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    It’s cheaper still online, ie. it’s free, just as well really considering the amount of absolute c**p they fill it with. I had to stop perusing it today as my blood pressure was getting dangerously high, oh and Mrs Alf told me off for swearing too much.

  8. Alf S June 5, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    We had the same problem with our Kindles when we changed our address to Lanzarote. A simple solution is available if you’ve got an address in the UK you can use just as an invoice address. We solved it by using my sisters address in Cornwall, after all you don’t get a hard copy invoice for Kindle books anyway. This way, we can buy Kindle books from .co.uk ( better choices I think than on .com ) with no problems as well as having anything else physically delivered to us out here using the alternative delivery address facility. Another plus is the VAT is knocked off for delivery to the Canaries, ( sorry Elle, that bit won’t apply to you ;¬) ), shame they stopped the super saver free delivery though. One important thing for anyone living in the Canaries to remember, is to include your NIE/NIF number as part of your address, otherwise your packages disappear into a customs shed in Gran Canaria until you pay an extortionate ransom.
    Now I just need to get my Kindle working again and I’ll be a happy bunny.

    PS.That picture of the house on http://www.dream-prizes.com/ doesn’t look much like an Andalucian Cotijo to me and I would think your local roads would be a bit rough for the Ferrari too. The long hair and beard really don’t suit Alan at all. I know there’s some small print under the pics but my €2.50 reading glasses aren’t up to it, in fact, I’ve got a suspicion that site might not be as genuine as it makes out to be.

    PPS. The first pic is of you though, isn’t it ;~)

  9. Elle Draper
    Elle Draper June 5, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    He he he ;)

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